Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Yesterday was a cold, rainy day.  The kind of day that is unfamiliar here in southern California, but takes me back to younger days when I lived in Wisconsin and we actually had weather ;)  I set out to assist in an Art4Healing class about an hour away, so I bundled up in my sweater and the scarf that my mom knitted for me.  I don't know if it was the weather or just this time of year that was making me sink into myself a little deeper....probably both.  Since my friend, Heather, died almost 3 years ago I always start to get a little "funky" around March.  According to her family that was when things started to drastically race down hill and something in my heart, maybe the strings that still connect us, starts to pull tight as March comes to a close.
The Art4Healing session was amazing....so much sharing and such beautiful art was created.  But these 2 teenage girls who were "forced" to be there by one of their mothers (of'course they were;) were by far the most intriguing to me.  One with red hair, just like Heather had, and one with a sweet smile who kept trying to make it ok for her friend.  The similarities to Heather and I floored me and I couldn't help but stare at them and fight back the tears.  The red head talked of trouble in her family and trouble at school, and the amazing, dark, deep art she created took my breath away.  I was SO upset to find out that they don't even have art classes in their High School.  "Maybe a ceramics class when you're a senior," one girl told me.  Unbelievable and so, so unfortunate.  "Please find some art classes or on-line classes or something artistic to do because you are so talented," I told them, "and you SO need it," I whispered to myself as I looked at the Heather look alike.  "Ok" she said as she walked out the door with her head down, eyes sweeping the floor.  Oh, how I wanted to chase her down and hug her and tell her to hang on and that she is loved....just looking at her friend's eyes, I know that to be true.  But instead I watched her leave and I missed my friend.

 On the way home I stopped to grab some soup and I turned on NPR as I sat in my car with the rain hitting the windshield.  It was rather cozy there alone in my car with my soup to keep me warm.  An interview came on the radio and I think my spoon froze in mid-air when I heard that the musician being interviewed, Ari Picker, had written an entire album for his mother who had committed suicide in 2008.  His music is haunting and powerful and beautiful...much like suicide, well, except for the beautiful part.  But what struck me was when he said that most people want to shame people that have committed suicide but he wanted to honor his mother for all the time that she DID make it.  As an artist he went right to creative mode after he heard of his mother's death because he said, "That's what artists do, make art out of tragedy."  Hearing this interview brought me some peace on a day I was thinking so much about my friend, who also committed suicide.  I too have been inspired to make art and really, just an artistic life, out of the tragedy of her death.  As I started my car and pulled out of the rain drenched parking lot, I looked up and literally gasped as I saw the most beautiful rainbow.  In that moment I just knew that Heather was okay and that she was there, smiling down on me....so I smiled back and headed home.

Be Well.